Here I come, NYC

Great! Within less than 48 hours, I'll be off the land! There's no word to express my excitement right now. I've been thinking what I'm gonna do on the first day. Actually, even on the first hour, it will be an unbelievable moment for me and that is all left to be imagined.

Give me the evil eye

Wow... this is really crazy funny. This baby got a gift at acting!

Yeah, right, but I don't care

It's cool to have dreams. But every time when you find that you are just one more step further from them, it sucks. People at the same age as me, 18, 19, or just crossing the line of teenage, 20, are all ambitious. It seems that high school students and college kids are born to have big dreams, because our courage hasn't been consumed, I mean, not yet. Like the unbalanced hormone, the eagerness often makes us do it without even thinking what the consequence will be. It feels good. The passion is just like setting fire burning from all inside your body and refilling the fuel at once after sleep whenever exhausted out. It's just freaking awesome to scream out loud when doing something freaking crazy. Being young is great, most likely mesmeric.

I'm kept to realize how realistic it is and how cruel people will be when leaving schools. What's equal to life? Money. What's probably more vital than money? Yes, money, money and still money. Damn, it even freaks me out when typing those stinky words "money" right on my blog. But, it is the ugly truth that no one can deny, isn't it? Anyway, I still don't want to give a shit.

The mind has a will of its own, mine too. So why bother? Eveytime after thinking how shit this world is, I still, at last, look on the bright side of life. Or what? If I don't, I'll commit suicide and be charged with the first-degree murder of myself. The earth is still revolving round the sun, and I'm still don't give a shit about what the world looks like. I'll just, you know, laugh and be pissed off at the same time. Haha... (shit)

H=R/E

H=Hapiness; R=Reality; E=Expectation.
Happiness quotient: H=R/E

Happiness equals reality divided by expectation - is based on the universal truth that you always have some expectation for what is to come. In other words, E is always a real number, since you cannot divide by zero.

But when you invert the equation - expectation divided by reality - you don't get the opposite of happiness. What you get, instead, is hope.

Pure logic: Assuming reality was constant, expextation had to be greater than reality to create optimism. On the other hand, a pessimist was someone with expectations lower than reality, a fraction of diminishing returns. The human condition meant that this number approached zero without reaching it - you never really completely gave up hope; it might come fooding back at any provocation. Someone who is happy would have little need to hope for change. But, conversely, an optimistic person is that way because he wants yo believe in someyhing better than his reality.

This is a way to count happiness by means of Economics which I read from a novel. It just surprised me, then, because I thought it was almost out of the question that motion can be analyzed by logic. I think it makes sense, though.

Now I just come to realize that even having 3 hours free or simply hanging out can be the core of happiness. Capitalism has been ruined our definition of bliss. To name a few, everything is counted by money. It's not love that makes the world go round anymore. Instead, it's money that takes control of world. It's upset, depressing and ,most important of all, cold. While the weather is getting hotter because of carbondioxide and any other green house effect, human world is ironically getting colder than ever.

Why is that? We are all in pursuit of money (if you see money as happiness.) And there must be some people ripped off by those so-called winner in financial competition. Once we are not satisfied with each of our own pies, we are going to steal and cut extra stuffing from others' pies.

Greediness is deeper than Mariana Trench, larger than the black hole and almost the same as the end of the world.

There is a study showing that why Denmark is the happiest country in the world. As you can tell, if it's enough, then Danish won't ask for more. In terms of the quotient, their reality is not that much higher (it is good, though) as that much lower as their expectaion.

Still improve the reality, but try to lower the expectation at the same time.

This is it

There are two ways to be happy: to improve the reality, or to lower your expectation.

Different standards are being used to judge the same things. It's not fair! I did it because I thought so. No one was being hurt by me, and I didn't bother others. So what the hell are you annoyed at? You've got to know that people are individuals. I have my own ways, even though I was made by you. It dosen't mean that I should question every move I make before decision. We both need to learn to let go.

I make mistakes because I have right to make mistakes. I'm still learning. There's no way in hell that's being perfect when being young. The point is not making mistakes though, it's about learning. I just need supports and advice, not judgement or how many points I'll get. I know I have to be a certain age to earn the right to ruin my own life. Since you care about me, you won't allow anything that standing in my way to push me back. But did you know? A bullet-proof window can be an illusion that blocks me out from the outside. I still see what the real world is, but I will never understand how to "be" in the real world.

I can recite your sufferings during your teen period when even sleeping, but my future is no match for your past.

My childhood did live up to your expectation, didn't it? I thanks for the teaching and I know you're proud. I put lots of efforts to improve my reality and could you lower your expectation a little bit?

Dad, I want you to be happy. It's just all I wish.

Reading

Reading is absolutely the best way for me to think ouside the box.

For the past several months, I've been bathed in a chaotic mood, which kept confusing me about lots of life problems, such as what life is, how to be alone, what friends are for, and stuff. I know those kinds of questions are needed to be answered throughout one's life, even philosophers not going to answer them well. But it truly sucks to be jammed in such a intersection. Everytime I turn to my friends or my parents, it all ends up with a conclusion that is hard to take or even say. From time to time, as Randy Pausch said, "Most of what we learn, we learn indirectly." That's really true. It happens that you learn when it did happen. But, I'm just dying to know what people will react to. I'm not saying those who are just right beside me and easily to reach. People around the world have their own thoughts and logic, especially from a totally unknownable culture.

To think outside the box, at times, you just need some advice that is the other way round, maybe quite the contrary. As a result, I find out that reading is exactly the consultant that I've been looking for. Books which I seldom lived with are going to be the best friends during my summer break. I used to hate read because I'm alrealy tired with textbooks and school. In the past, I just wrongly connected reading to studying. In terms of studying, I have to swallow those concepts and digest them into something that people think it's right, while reading, which is a recreation for me now, is just a path that leads me to my own destination. I can depart from regular direction whenever I want to. And the most important of all, the landscape along the roads always surprise me unexpectedly, like the creaking of trees, ripples on the brooks. Those can be compared to the beatiful prose and rhythm sound of rhymes. This, the smooth reading flow of English, is exactly the right thing I live for.

Reading between the lines, what a magical power that humans have, is the most unbelievable ability that I'll see as, when we consider language to be the gifted talent that God gave us.

My struggle is being healed, definitely, maybe. Owing to discovering another world of reading, I, now, can be much happier than I was in the past several months.

Mankind Is No Island

Winner of Tropfest New York 2008, "Mankind Is No Island" by Jason van Genderen.

Speechless, beautiful and deep.

A Thousand Splendid Suns

Lately, I've just finished reading "A thousand splendid suns" by Khaled Hosseini. Wonder it is as good as The Kite Runner? Here's what Washington Post said, "Just in case you’re wondering whether A Thousand Splendid Suns is as good as The Kite Runner, here’s the answer: No. It’s better." Yes, It's remarkable.

I can't certainly assure that you will love it to death, because it's a novel that contains sorrow and depress. However, the book tells the saddness in achingly beautiful prose. That's the strongest reason for me to love it so much. The Afghan elements indeed capture me extremely, but the way the Afghan writer writes in English takes my breath away over a thousand times. For example, "When the words dried up, the tears did not." After reading this, I gasped for seconds, and applauded with appreciation. In particular, I love how he described the move of those characters, such as, "He fished the photo from his pocket." The verb fish is such a vivid word to line out the perfectly detailed motion. Moreover, "You can't never stretch out your legs without even poking a poet in the ass." This one made me laugh for quite a long time!

Back to the story itself, though the leads - two Afghan women - endured and suffered throughout their lives, the end still goes to a complete round. Like The Kite Runner, the process was always twisted but will be peacefully rounded in the end, inspiringly and encouragingly. I think a thousand splendid suns represent the bright side of life. Since Afghanistan is located comparatively on the east (or middle-east), the sun can also mean Afghanistan, the home, and the origins that they belong to. The book cover, a woman facing to the sun, explains all.

Now I treasure both of his two novels, and I'm freakingly looking forward to his next bestseller.

Khaled Hosseini official website:

http://www.khaledhosseini.com/index.htm

I don't like dentists, either.

Have you ever experienced the bone cracking inside you body? Hope you haven't. And, I haven't, either. Thank god for my uneventful life. But, this morning, I felt my tooth cracking just right inside my mouth.

I had three of my teeth extracted. Obiviously, this was my third time to have a small surgery. Generally, I should be a experienced patient and feel no fear at all. Frankly, quite the contrary, I did freak out a little bit and get nervous, because the first two surgeries were both terrible and left non-erasable shadow on my mind. I usaully felt easy to go to the dentist. Whrereas, after those two surgeries, I started to hate dentists.

Anyway, this time was much better. It only cost about 10 minutes to pluck out my tooth. The anesthetic really worked and I felt no pain from the beginning to the end. The only scariest thing was that duing the surgery, though there was no pain, and I coudn't see my blood, I strongly felt the strength pushed from the dentist and my skull was totally controlled by his hands. "Open up, good ... relax " said the dentist. Seriously, how can I chill out? If there is someone cupping your cheek, holding a tool like a screwdriver, poking it into your mouth and twisting at the same time, how could you feel relaxed? Seconds late, he shifted a little, took a unknownable tool and he faced upward. I was like, "Hey, where are you looking at? Aren't you supposed to focus on my teeth? " It looked like he's trying to push hard. And I heard my tooth perching inside crashing. It was really weird, because you felt nothing by touch but you feel everything by sound. Finally, the dentist took a tool looking like pliers and I saw my tooth plucked out with blood.

As a matter of fact, I have four teeth to be plucked out. And now there is only one left to be done. You know what, I now totally agree with those kids crying out loud before going to see dentists. Poor kids, and poor me.

SNYDER'S

SNACK TIME! - In the past, I thought this little chunks were just made of smoked cripy bread and smashed into pieces. I knew there were lots of people loving it and I did, too. Then, yesterday, I decided to grab myself two bags of different flavors - Garlic & Cheddar Cheese. As a matter of fact, this was my first time to read the ads on the package of SNYDER'S. And I was like, "You serious? This is made of pretzel? Gosh ... no wonder it tastes so good! "

"America's Pretzel Bakery Since 1909" is written above the logo. 1909? How traditional it is! It's even a little bit much older than Taiwan. It sounds like, "This company may occupy 1 to 2 pages in a history book. "

Anyway, I strongly recommend this awesome snack! Probably, you have no idea about pretzel. If you wonder the reason why I know pretzel, then go to NY with me. In NY, around every neighborhoods and each corners, you can find not only hot dog stands but pretzel stands which always smell so good. Pretzel is a traditional food traced back to World War II - a Jewish food. It actually appears with the same reason as Bagels - its convenience to store and eat.

SNYDER'S official website:

http://www.snydersofhanover.com/en/index.php

This is what pretzel looks like: (It's always sprinkled with salt.)

Face solitude honestly

When loneliness drives you to find out how to keep away from loneliness, you would be swamped in horror. Because it's difficult to get along with others if you can't be your own friend. Since you can't deal with others, you will be bathed in inexistence. That feeling will keep persuading you that you must be lonely, you must be lonely, and you have to break the silence. You forget that it's the motive which you want to destroy the loneliness that constructs the overwhelming solitude. In this fast-paced city, actually, we all are solitary individuals.

Growing-up teaches you what loneliness is, and loneliness teaches you how to grow up. They both complement each other.

A second ago, I'm just a fragile paper doll without living ability. Parents are both looking after us every single day. A second ago, some of my best friends are just playing hide-and-seek at the nearby park with me.
Blinks later, I take bus by myself, sit in a 200-kilometer-away-from-home classroom by myself, and live in another city all alone.

It's obvious that I'm already an individual, an individual that lives on my own. Thoughts and moves are not puppets of others. I belong to me. At that moment, it indeed comes along with melancholy and solitude.

However, time teaches us not how to solve the problems but how to struggle and get along with problems for good. It is said that"Solitude is a thought of precipitation in storms, and after the storms come a clear sky." "No matter it's in-or-out, clouds must exist. We can't let it disappear, but we can let it precipitate."

The most difficult part for us to divide is the line between solitude and loneliness. Learn to be with solitude and cherish the momemts that solitude brings with. When we get along with solitude, we will clearly listen to our own heart beat, feel each breath we take and face to ourselves more honestly.

This is a perfection of solitude, not a restlessness of loneliness.

A corner of every hearts is occupied by solitude. No matter how you want to get rid of it, or how you want to realize, whatever it is, at last, we all choose to face the solitide and grow up.

-Based on an article of one of my best friends, Saffronist. I just do the translation anyway.


Here is some suggestions of how to be a lone:
Find things that I enjoy on my own
Take up personal projects (creatively or otherwise)
Have ready access to good music (silence makes the loneliness more apparent)
Take GOOD CONTROL over my thoughts
Guide my thought process totally

What a nightmare!

20 minutes passed, I was juat starting to read the first question on the test paper. Everybody had finished the first section already, and my mind was actually overwhelmed by fear and dreads. My palms were sweaty, knees were weak, and arms were heavy. All that I was afraid the most was I couldn't hang out the paper in time. What if I got a horrible score?! What if I couldn't pass the exam?! My minds went blank and my writing went crippled.

"What the...?!" I yelled. Thanks god, I just still laid down on my bed, but my pillow got drenched by sweat. It was 10:48 in the morning. I was supposed to get up at 8'o clock. But, then, it's obvious that after the alarm rang, after the clock was hit by my click, the nightmare began to take place in my dreamland.

It's kind of ridiculous and hilarious that I would have this kind of dream. The situation that happened in my nightmare was exactly the college entrance exam, which was already a year ago. And now, maybe a little affected by the anual exam news, it feels like I'm going back to the moment again, back to experience the whole real nightmare one more time. You can tell that the bad memory is really hard to be erased. As a matter of fact, it was deeply planted at the bottom of my heart. Oh! god, I wish this dream could be once and for all.

The weird thing is that I did do the writing (Eng. composition). And I still remember what I wrote on that virtual test paper. The title was "The best travel experience that you've ever had." I wrote down a trip that I took to the eastern part of Taiwan. Every scence of the exam process is still vivid to me, and this is why I'm indeed shocked this morning.

"You what?!" my mom said, after I described the whole thing. "I don't know. It was crazy I think " I replied.

Yes, I was crazy.

Transformer is transformed to be a flop

Yesterday, I went to watch "Transformer 2". To tell the truth, I was really excited about it, because I thought it would be as awesome as the 1st episode. Before watching the film, I had already listened to the trailer song which is sung by Linkin' Park - New Divide. And I was like "Damn, what a cool song, then the movie must be great." But then, it seems like if you have expected it very much, and you will finally hit the ground hard, as hard as a glassware fallen from the Grand Canyon or something. The movie indeed dosen't have so-called profound meanings. What it shows from the start to the end is all about "fighting" or "crashing". The director just keeps telling us how edging the U.S. denfence tech is and yea... all about the hot stuff scene. I still want to emphasize that the theme song is too good to cheer us up about the movie itself.