Memoir

This is a confession: I didn't have a good time when I was a freshman. There were still something I was really happy for, but not much. I felk like I was exposed to many things that I wasn't familiar with, and that really made me feel unsafe and uncomfortable. When the 2nd week of the first year in college past, I thought I was good at being with myself. But, later, I found I wasn't at all. I was weak, weak enough like a fragile glassware easily breaking down whenever being hit. I think this can answer the question why I often go home to take a rest. Home sheltered me from being hurt.

I thought my problem was solved.

After the depressing finals, I went home for summer break and felt "finally" safe. But, things are not that easy. I somehow felt something unusual after thoroughly talking with my Mom and Dad about my problem. I found I wasn't growing up and was still a kid banking on parents all the time. The problem wasn't solved, not even close. I felt frustrated at that moment, not because the environment is changing, but because I wasn't changing.

This July, I gave myself some time and space to rethink who I am, what I am or what the hell I'll be. I didn't find the answers, but I collected some thoughts from the bottom of my mind.

Then the most exciting month, August, came! I've waited for this August like a whole year. As my previous plan, I saw this trip as a vacation to relax myself, not to discover myself. However, plan can never be the plan. I experienced lots of things that I wasn't expected to. I felt like I found the answers.

In reality, right now, everytime some of my friends ask me about, "How was New York?" "What did you do?" I'm always like, "Um...just looking around, all that tourists stuff." But, you know what? What I really gained is beyond words. I can't really speak them out. Those things I treasured from this trip are spiritual, not physical. (Anyway, frankly, I still enjoy shopping in NY. It was crazy!)

Precaution

Speaking of premarital sex, I've never "deeply" pondered this issue before. I was always like, "hmm...it's okay...uh, maybe it depends." Since Justin talked about his own opinion on his blog and put his words baldly, that just inspired me to think about this problem seriously.

To be frank, I don't know where to start and even don't know how to end up this article. There are just too many conditions needed to be considered. When I was little - at least little enough to understand sex and marriage - I never saw divorce as one of my plans. Later, as I grow up, divorce seems to be not a big deal anymore. I can't tell you what changes my view which I also have no idea where comes from. I guess it's possibly from American media...like hollywoods, where people take divorces as common as doing drugs.

Contraception! I have to clear my position first. Since I'm female, I side with women against men. There is no way having sex without contraception. Guys may like, "Yeah, yea... condoms ruin everything." Hold on! Do you know an unexpected baby ruins two lives? If the guy is at least made of responsibility, that baby will change more things than what a condom does. You think an orgasm is more important than your future? No way. Guys may debate, "Come on, you can't hold it! Do you girls really like that?" I'd say... Yes! Contraception means a lot! It means being free from STD, AIDS, abortion, among others. Ha, it sound like I'm a condom seller.

Premarital sex happens when two people don't get married and get laid. When there is no marriage, there is no promise, no responsibilities. It won't matter if those two are ready for a new life or if nothing happens. But what if there IS a heartbeat growing strong? Who will take the aftermath? Most likely, women do. However, there are still some happily-ever-after stories after premarital sex, but rarely.

Some say marriage is just a piece of paper which is symbolized by human beings only as a promise. I know marriage is a civilized result of law and order, we are living under the system though. You want to break it? Then leave the public and don't take education and health care insurance for granted.

If you can't take the responsibility, please hold on for a sencond, for men and women both. Premarital sex is serious only when life is seen as a game. But if those two are happy for it, responsible for it and ready for it, then premarital sex is nothing at all. I mean, what's wrong with having a good time with the one you "love"?

To Popcorns

No matter how long it has been since the last time we met, the last call we made, I can be myself for real once we get along together. I don't know how to name that feeling. Four of us are like 4 broken pieces matching each other with no doubt. Basically, if I haven't met someone for a long time, I will always act a little bit awkwardly for unfamiliarity. But, you guys can never be the usual case. You all are so close, so ture, so exceptional that I feel I'm the luckiest person in the world.

By and large, I don't usaully cry so easily and comfortably. Tears only show up when the door is closed. However, rules are meant to be broken, and you guys break that silence for me. I do feel like being myself when tears falling down in front of you. While I'm looking at you, it's like looking in a mirror, no more hate, no more fake. You guys are so unique and alike that make me feel secure and protected.

Now I don't give a damn what I have to face right ahead. All I believe and understand is that at least I'm so blessed to have you there and back me up whenever I'm going to collapse. We don't share the same blood or origin, but we share the same dream and belief, and those are something makes me strong and open-minded.

I love you so much.

Jet lag teaches me something

Jet lag is really an interesting physical syndrome. Even though I was completely stressed out from the commute and my baggages, I just couldn't fall asleep. Contrarily, when I was watching a great film on my comfy chair, I fell asleep without dozing off. I felt like I was not with my own body, which was really weird. But, this sort of feeling reminds me of those bad days of heavy work for tests. Everytime you want to improve yourself to the top of the sky, it often ends up with your own footprints hitting down in line. In other words, is the sky the limit? No, it is your health condition that pulls you down down down.

We love Central Park

As a matter of fact, I got nothing to do for these couples days, even so I still found I was busy doing something ordinary but unforgettable. Have I spent like 3 hours lying on the grass and being kissed by the sun before? Or have I grabbed a homemade sandwich and enjoyed it in the shadow of a big tree? When was the last time I truly listened to the song of the nature? Well, I don't know, but I had those little but philosophic experience in New York which people consider to be a city with no green.

"We have Central Park!" said by New Yorker. "Yeah, right! A field surrounded by pollution," I debated, "Nah, I'm kidding, I mean, you know I love Central Park as much as you do," I giggled.

Taking a stroll in Central Park is totally a different experience than ever. It's pretty easy to imagine what it would be like when being surrounded by trees, but can you imagine trees and skycrapers are 360 degree standing around you in a cirlce? This is just so interesting that you will feel like staying in an oasis of a city desert. The only one different thing is that the sand is replaced by the dust.

People out of the park wear suits and heels while people in the park wear bikinis and shorts. Kids out of the park sit in strollers while kids in the park race like no other. In Central Park, we all share a little bit of laziness and feel the gentle touch of breeze and sunshie. Central Park really turns off each ticks of the clocks and gives Manhattan a path to silence and release. We all know that mother nature is the thing we truly believe in, so Central Park will definitely be the place you never want to miss.