Memoir

This is a confession: I didn't have a good time when I was a freshman. There were still something I was really happy for, but not much. I felk like I was exposed to many things that I wasn't familiar with, and that really made me feel unsafe and uncomfortable. When the 2nd week of the first year in college past, I thought I was good at being with myself. But, later, I found I wasn't at all. I was weak, weak enough like a fragile glassware easily breaking down whenever being hit. I think this can answer the question why I often go home to take a rest. Home sheltered me from being hurt.

I thought my problem was solved.

After the depressing finals, I went home for summer break and felt "finally" safe. But, things are not that easy. I somehow felt something unusual after thoroughly talking with my Mom and Dad about my problem. I found I wasn't growing up and was still a kid banking on parents all the time. The problem wasn't solved, not even close. I felt frustrated at that moment, not because the environment is changing, but because I wasn't changing.

This July, I gave myself some time and space to rethink who I am, what I am or what the hell I'll be. I didn't find the answers, but I collected some thoughts from the bottom of my mind.

Then the most exciting month, August, came! I've waited for this August like a whole year. As my previous plan, I saw this trip as a vacation to relax myself, not to discover myself. However, plan can never be the plan. I experienced lots of things that I wasn't expected to. I felt like I found the answers.

In reality, right now, everytime some of my friends ask me about, "How was New York?" "What did you do?" I'm always like, "Um...just looking around, all that tourists stuff." But, you know what? What I really gained is beyond words. I can't really speak them out. Those things I treasured from this trip are spiritual, not physical. (Anyway, frankly, I still enjoy shopping in NY. It was crazy!)